I take the bus home from the airport because it’s cheap ($1.75) and convenient. Driving makes me cringe, so I prefer being driven around if I can help it. Anyways, I came back from a trip, got off the plane like I normally do, and headed to the bus stop. The bus stops right outside the terminal, so it’s convenient. As a bonus, it has wifi

While I was waiting, a short, fat man came walking towards the bus stop. He looked out of breath and tired. The man was dressed as a pilot, so I presumed he was one. He dragged his roller behind him and stood it upright in front of him.

Two seconds later, he belts out, “so much for on time bus service!”

Woah, buddy. First, the bus was only about 5-10 minutes late at that point. And second, nobody cares about how you feel if that’s all you have to say.

I can’t say that I’ve never done the same thing. If there’s something going wrong, isn’t it easier to complain? Isn’t that our natural inclination? It feels right!

That’s where we’re wrong.

Complaining shouldn’t be the norm. It should be the exception.

Another story: in school, the fire alarm went off a lot. We all marched outside and waited for the fire department to come and tell us that it was okay to go back inside. It’s a boring wait, and usually everyone talks about how lousy of a situation it is.

During one evacuation, I commented about having to wait, and someone replied “at least everyone is okay.”

This isn’t that radical of a comment, but it is radical against a sea of complaints. If you want to be ordinary, fine, complain away. No one is going to care, and no one will remember what you have to say.

But if you want to be remembered, think of something other than a complaint. Compliment someone. Ask a quirky question. Human interaction is worth so much more than cheap complaints. If someone commits a crime, we deprive him or her of that privilege. If kids are punished, we isolate them. So if you get the chance to really connect with someone, take it.

Let’s Talk About Something Other Than the Weather

This one is self explanatory. How many conversations have been started with a comment about the weather?

It’s boring.

I’d rather hear about someone’s cat’s poop before the weather.

Pam: I’m going with him.
Jim: What? Pam!
Pam: I’m going.
Jim: Pam! You can’t be serious.
Pam: Michael, wait! I’m coming with you.
Michael: You are?
Pam: Yeah.
Michael: Okay. It’s going to be great.
Pam: Great. Uh, except, I don’t want to be a receptionist anymore.
Michael: Right… Executive assistant.
Pam: Salesman.

Salesman. Pam was tired of her life as a receptionist. She wanted change, so she joins Michael to start a new paper company. As viewers know, Michael is destined to fail. Pam probably realizes this too. But she sees a sliver of hope. And that bit of hope was a future where she wasn’t a receptionist.

Pam eventually becomes a saleswoman. But this was one of the first times that she had a chance to break away from life as a receptionist. Even viewers of the show were used to her as a receptionist. But Pam never really liked being one. Earlier in the series, she even tried going to art school to chase her dreams. That didn’t work out though.

Anyways, her old life was safe, and the new one not so safe. But like many things in life, you have to take a chance. You can’t always stay with what’s safe or you may never even leave home. You may never end up where you really belong.

Pam took a chance. And Pam teaches us that sometimes, you need to take that chance. Yes, it’s scary because we’re not sure what will happen. It wouldn’t be called a “chance” if it was guaranteed.

But sometimes you fall. In the next episode, we see where Pam’s decision led her:

Pam: I can’t do this.
Michael: What’s that?
Pam: I can’t do this. I had a real job. I sat ten feet away from my fiance. I had health benefits. I was just feeling impulsive. I should have gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle.
Michael: Blech.
Pam: I just keep getting bored. And I let things build up and build up and then I – I, I do something too big, like this. Who does this?

This is one of my favorite moments in the Office because Pam is an example of how everyone with a boring (but safe) job feels. Is your job that way? Do you let it bottle up like that?

People get comfortable with their lives. They settle into them. It’s hard to figure out if what you’re doing is the right thing if you’re comfortable doing it. Why? Because any change—good or bad—will push you out of your comfort zone. It’s even harder if your standard of living demands that you stay in your current job. You’ve created a box for yourself.

Pam says that she should have just gotten a tattoo instead. That’s a funny line because nothing is farther from the truth. If you had to pick between getting a tattoo and chasing a dream, what would you pick?

Of course, Michael hits a home run with his response:

Pam: How come out of everyone in the office, I’m the only one that went with you? Is it because I’m that stupid? I mean, your own grandmother doesn’t even believe in you!
Michael: I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That’s what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit.
Pam: Yeah.
Michael: So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or… that’s it. That’s our only option. Because we quit. Pam, I do my best work when people don’t believe in me. I remember in high school, my math teacher told me I was gonna flunk out. And know what I did? The very next day I went out and I scored more goals than anyone else in the history of the hockey team. See what I mean? I thrive on this. I thrive on it. So I’m gonna go inside. I’m going to make some calls, I’m gonna get us an office space, and I’m going to show you why you joined this company. Okay? [Pam nods]

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter whether she succeeded or failed. She went after what she wanted. Even if she did fail, she would never have to ask “what if?”.

Cincinnati in the Winter

]]> http://lifecatcher.net/2010/02/24/the-streets-of-cincinnati/feed/ 2 http://lifecatcher.net/2010/02/07/what-it-means-to-dress-black-tie-optional-do-i-need-a-tuxedo/ http://lifecatcher.net/2010/02/07/what-it-means-to-dress-black-tie-optional-do-i-need-a-tuxedo/#comments Sun, 07 Feb 2010 06:29:08 +0000 Dan http://lifecatcher.net/?p=964

Black Tie Optional

I had a busy week at work. As soon as I finished something, it seemed like I had five more things to do. Though the amount of work was stressful, I was more concerned about a dinner on Saturday that I was attending. The dress was black tie optional, and I had no clue what that meant – so I had to find out.

What the Hell is Black Tie Optional?

Earlier in the year, I attended an etiquette training session. One of the things we were given was a sheet that stated what different dress codes meant. Under “black tie optional” for men, it said “tuxedo or dark suit.”

I didn’t think this sheet provided enough guidance, so I turned to the internet, and that’s where the information got complicated.

By turning to Google and Yahoo, I realized that there’s more to the meaning behind black tie optional. One person said that black tie optional really meant black tie (tux), but if you really wanted to, you could wear a suit. He said that he wore a suit to a black tie optional event and only a few men out of a hundred showed up in a suit. He now owns a tuxedo.

Other people provided a little more detail about going the suit route. One online image consultant said that dark suits are fine, but make sure that you wear a white shirt (no colors) and a dark tie. And by dark suit, she meant black, dark gray, or dark blue with no patterns. Also, it’s important to avoid button-down collars – they look too casual.

Still more advice poured in from the internet. One person said that the host or guest of honor should wear a tuxedo and everyone else should wear a dark suit. This advice contradicted the advice of the first person that I found.

I was still not satisfied. I turned to flickr.com, and I searched “black tie optional.” The pictures I found were no more helpful. They showed men dressed in tuxedos and men dressed in business suits (less casual). There were even men in light suits. God almighty.

In the end, I was more confused than when I started (this happens often with me). I decided that I would wear a dark suit. And I would spruce it up a bit with a vest and hankerchief.

Showing Up at a Black Tie Optional Event

Let me tell you, nobody sells suit vests anymore. Three piece suits are hard to come by these days, but a vest for a suit is impossible to come by. If stores carry any vests at all, they are vests made for tuxedos.

In the end, I went with a dark suit and matching tie and hankerchief to complete the look. I wore a white shirt and lace up shoes (as opposed to slip ons).

When I arrived at the dinner, I was probably the best dressed person at the event, with the exception of one person who chose to wear a tux. I could tell that no one else cared much about what “black tie optional” meant. One guy showed up in a pinstripe business suit with an oxford shirt and a tie with little cartoon fish. All that worry for nothing.

So, I think that black tie optional is the most ambiguous, dumbest dress code. If you’re going to plan an event, just say “black tie” or “business.” Don’t make your guests do any guess work.

How to Dress at a Black Tie Optional Event

However, if you’re a man and you’re invited to a black tie optional event, here’s what you should consider to find the appropriate dress:

Context: this is the most important factor. Who will be at the event, and what is the event about? This will often clue you into whether you should be wearing a tuxedo or not. If there’s any doubt, you can opt for the tux and be safe. And you won’t have to go through the agony that I went through.

Also, if you’re the guest of honor or the host, you should be wearing a tux if you had the nerve to put black tie optional on an invitation.

Going the Optional Route: If you opt for a dark suit, make sure it’s dark (black, blue or brown). I think very subtle patterning and subtle striping is okay, but people will disagree about this. Avoid zoot suits. If it’s dark and looks nice, then the suit is probably fine. No seersuckers or beige suits, please.

Your shirt should be crisp and white. Avoid oxford-like fabrics. The collar should not be button down. You goal is to avoid looking casual or business casual.

Stay away from flashy ties, but colored ties with subtle patterning are okay. You don’t have to wear a black tie, and frankly, if you do, you’ll look like a funeral home director. Make sure to tie the tie with a dimple. Lots of men avoid the dimple, but I think it adds a nice touch, and you should be using it whenever you wear a tie.

For shoes, wear a nice pair of black lace up shoes. They should have a little shine. Avoid slip-ons. Again, the goal is to avoid looking too casual. Make sure they’re cleaned and polished. Despite what lazy people think, people do notice shoes. Besides, it only takes about 5-10 minutes.

Finally, for finishing touches, a vest (if you can find one) looks nice, as well as a hankerchief to match your tie and vest.

Of course, you can always go the tux route and you’ll be fine too.

I did some Googling and turns out that there are lots of people with this problem. There’s something to be said for a regular book that won’t have the problem of ever breaking, short of, pages falling out.

Anyone else have similar issues?

And… I called Amazon to see if they could be any help. They “offered” to let me buy a replacement for $99. Hmm. No thanks. I know there’s a reason behind warranties, but this is kind of silly. I just put my Amazon Kindle into “sleep mode” and it never woke up. On principle, I shouldn’t have to shell out another hundred bucks for a unit that shouldn’t have broken in the first place.

Instead, I decided that what I liked about the Amazon Kindle was that it’s relatively hands free reading. So I bought a fancy schmancy book holder instead. Review coming soon.

Good riddance, Kindle. Amazon, if you’re listening, just know that I’d be willing to give the Kindle another shot. But not for $99. Sorry.

The Pad (i.e. Living Room)