What It Means to Dress Black Tie Optional (Do I Need a Tuxedo?)

Black Tie Optional

I had a busy week at work. As soon as I finished something, it seemed like I had five more things to do. Though the amount of work was stressful, I was more concerned about a dinner on Saturday that I was attending. The dress was black tie optional, and I had no clue what that meant – so I had to find out.

What the Hell is Black Tie Optional?

Earlier in the year, I attended an etiquette training session. One of the things we were given was a sheet that stated what different dress codes meant. Under “black tie optional” for men, it said “tuxedo or dark suit.”

I didn’t think this sheet provided enough guidance, so I turned to the internet, and that’s where the information got complicated.

By turning to Google and Yahoo, I realized that there’s more to the meaning behind black tie optional. One person said that black tie optional really meant black tie (tux), but if you really wanted to, you could wear a suit. He said that he wore a suit to a black tie optional event and only a few men out of a hundred showed up in a suit. He now owns a tuxedo.

Other people provided a little more detail about going the suit route. One online image consultant said that dark suits are fine, but make sure that you wear a white shirt (no colors) and a dark tie. And by dark suit, she meant black, dark gray, or dark blue with no patterns. Also, it’s important to avoid button-down collars – they look too casual.

Still more advice poured in from the internet. One person said that the host or guest of honor should wear a tuxedo and everyone else should wear a dark suit. This advice contradicted the advice of the first person that I found.

I was still not satisfied. I turned to flickr.com, and I searched “black tie optional.” The pictures I found were no more helpful. They showed men dressed in tuxedos and men dressed in business suits (less casual). There were even men in light suits. God almighty.

In the end, I was more confused than when I started (this happens often with me). I decided that I would wear a dark suit. And I would spruce it up a bit with a vest and hankerchief.

Showing Up at a Black Tie Optional Event

Let me tell you, nobody sells suit vests anymore. Three piece suits are hard to come by these days, but a vest for a suit is impossible to come by. If stores carry any vests at all, they are vests made for tuxedos.

In the end, I went with a dark suit and matching tie and hankerchief to complete the look. I wore a white shirt and lace up shoes (as opposed to slip ons).

When I arrived at the dinner, I was probably the best dressed person at the event, with the exception of one person who chose to wear a tux. I could tell that no one else cared much about what “black tie optional” meant. One guy showed up in a pinstripe business suit with an oxford shirt and a tie with little cartoon fish. All that worry for nothing.

So, I think that black tie optional is the most ambiguous, dumbest dress code. If you’re going to plan an event, just say “black tie” or “business.” Don’t make your guests do any guess work.

How to Dress at a Black Tie Optional Event

However, if you’re a man and you’re invited to a black tie optional event, here’s what you should consider to find the appropriate dress:

Context: this is the most important factor. Who will be at the event, and what is the event about? This will often clue you into whether you should be wearing a tuxedo or not. If there’s any doubt, you can opt for the tux and be safe. And you won’t have to go through the agony that I went through.

Also, if you’re the guest of honor or the host, you should be wearing a tux if you had the nerve to put black tie optional on an invitation.

Going the Optional Route: If you opt for a dark suit, make sure it’s dark (black, blue or brown). I think very subtle patterning and subtle striping is okay, but people will disagree about this. Avoid zoot suits. If it’s dark and looks nice, then the suit is probably fine. No seersuckers or beige suits, please.

Your shirt should be crisp and white. Avoid oxford-like fabrics. The collar should not be button down. You goal is to avoid looking casual or business casual.

Stay away from flashy ties, but colored ties with subtle patterning are okay. You don’t have to wear a black tie, and frankly, if you do, you’ll look like a funeral home director. Make sure to tie the tie with a dimple. Lots of men avoid the dimple, but I think it adds a nice touch, and you should be using it whenever you wear a tie.

For shoes, wear a nice pair of black lace up shoes. They should have a little shine. Avoid slip-ons. Again, the goal is to avoid looking too casual. Make sure they’re cleaned and polished. Despite what lazy people think, people do notice shoes. Besides, it only takes about 5-10 minutes.

Finally, for finishing touches, a vest (if you can find one) looks nice, as well as a hankerchief to match your tie and vest.

Of course, you can always go the tux route and you’ll be fine too.