How To Say You’re Sorry

My friend has a quote that says “don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.” When I’m late to something or I fail to meet a commitment, I usually say “I’m sorry” followed by a long winded explanation. I’ve come to realize that an explanation is unnecessary if my apologies are sincere and honest. Explanations “ruin” the apology because they selfishly shift the conversation to me. Since someone was counting on me to do my part, it’s not just me that suffers when I fail – someone else suffers too.

Instead of thinking of an excuse, we should take that time to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Think about how he or she is feeling. Empathy produces a more sincere apology. The apology then becomes the center of the message, not an introduction for an excuse. When making an apology, look the person in the eye and communicate that you understand him or her. And if people really want to know the reason, they’ll ask.

It’s also a good idea to avoid being the person that’s sorry for everything. Excessive apologies dilute your sincerity. It leads to people thinking that you aren’t sorry for anything at all. You become the Boy Who Cried Wolf whose habits led a village to believe that the boy was lying even when he told the truth. Sometimes we say “sorry” when we don’t mean it. Don’t let your “sorry” become meaningless through rampant use. Save it for when you really mean it.

And finally, for really important things, don’t say “sorry” through email or instant messaging. It’s inconsiderate to the other person’s feelings. Pick up a phone or meet the person face to face. Human emotions are too sensitive to convey through electronic communication. It may be uncomfortable, but it’s too easy to misconstrue tone or emotion through email. Your “sorry” through email may end up digging you in a bigger hole than before. In a world that’s increasingly more electronic, real human communication is valuable, and a sincere apology is priceless.